NFL Draft: Neither You, nor Mel Kiper Know Squat

So we're in the smack dab in the middle of playoff season and getting underway with baseball, but this weekend it seems that all three major sports are being overshadowed by – drum-roll please – THE NFL DRAFT! The draft is upon us! All day coverage! Mel Kiper Jr's Hair, complete with matching outfit and kung-fu grip! Hooray! Personally, I don’t think ESPN’s hype machine is working nearly hard enough to drum up interest in what essentially amounts to a multi-million dollar roll call. When did it become necessary to sit around and waste a weekend watching the draft unfold live? I'm not saying I'm not *interested* in the draft and its outcome, but what exactly are you missing out on by checking out a draft recap every once in a while? Woe is me, I only have months to fully get to know this year’s crop of rookies… but I need my draft information the minute it unfolds!

And while we're talking about this over-hyped snooze-fest, can we please just come to our senses and stop the senseless spectacle of speculation that is draft analysis? Why is it that ESPN thinks that talking to Mel Kiper Jr. every five minutes about the latest developments in the draft is interesting? I think it’s about time to retire the phrase "draft guru” because, let’s be frank, how often is the man actually right? Well, last year he went 8 for 32 in the first (and presumably most predictable) round… an astounding 25% accuracy rate. I’m pretty sure the local weatherman would be fired for that kind forecasting, so I’m not sure why we all have to bow at the altar of Mel.

Hey, I've got a great idea! I'm going to write 50 billion mock drafts as the year progresses, and they're all going to turn out horribly wrong! Brilliant! Yes, Mel Kiper Jr. probably knows more about every NFL prospect than anyone in the country, but I think it’s safe to say that it’s impossible to even remotely accurately predict how an entire draft will unfold. Here’s my super top-secret break down for the first round of the draft this year:

Speculation.

More Speculation.

Speculation?

You get the idea.

Vegas Odds: Vince Young's Impending Doom

Now that Vince Young has been named Madden 2008 Coverboy, I hereby present to you the Vegas odds for circumstances of his inevitable injury and/or misfortune:

2:1 – Spontaneous eruption of ACL/MCL/PCL/LCD/ABC muscles on a routine scramble.

3:1 – On-field decapitation by an enraged Ray Lewis.

4:1 – Eaten by Jeff Fisher’s Mustache.

5:1 – Pacman Jones, in the strip club, with the revolver.

7:1 – Ray Lewis, behind the nightclub, with the knife.

9:1 – Mario Williams, on the highway, with his Lamborghini.

10:1 – Smothered in sleep by a David Carr jersey wielding Texans’ fan.

11:1 – Kidnapped and held hostage by entire Cincinnati Bengals organization.

12:1 – Simultaneous outbreak of 7 groupie induced STDs.

14:1 – Mistaken for Turducken by John Madden, torn limb from limb and devoured.

20:1 – Terrell Owens. He’ll find a way.

10,000:1 - Tonya Harding in the ballroom with the lead pipe.

Best of luck, Vince.